ngjustbeauseitwouldhurtless,butheouldonlygethalfwaydownthestairsbeforeheturnedaroundandrawledbakintobed,shouldersheavingwithsilentsobs,hottearsstreamingdownhisfaeanddrippingdownintothesheets.)

“ofourseiam.”heknotshisfingersinthefabriofharry’sshirt.“we’regolden.”

chapter39

harry

whenhewasyounger,lokedinthatupboardunderthestairsandwifhewouldevergetout,thinkingonlyofthefootstepsreakingoverhisheadandthespiderstremblingontheeiling.hehadnowaytotraktimeotherthanthehungerpainsrinhisstomah,andhewashungryallthetimebakthen,sowhenthedursleyshadallleftforsomefamilyoutingandharrywasleftinthere,aloneinthedark(thiswas,ofourse,beforetheyaddedthelightbulb),itwasliketheooftimedidn’texistatall.

liketherewasnotime,justthis,thisyellowed,lumpymattressandhistoobigjeansandthedoorwiththesplintersfromthetimehehadlosthisheadandtriedtowhiswayoutintothehallway(hisfingershadbledformonthsafter),likehewasexistinginabkhole,somepewherenoonewouldhearhissreams,whereifhehaddiedlikevernonkeptaskinghimtodo,noonewouldeverevenknowheexisted.

(likeshrodinger’scat,hermionehadtoldhim,one,intheirsixthyear,whenshefinallyaskedthequestionsabouthislifeinthemuggleworldthatsheandronhadbeendyingtoknowandhehadtoldher,theworryandthefearandtheneverendingpainbleedingoutofhiminonelongrushofanexpnation,likeyouexistandyoudon’tatthesametime,beauseuntilthatdooropened,therewasnothingbutyourownmindtodeide,nosensoryinputtoremindyouthatyouarealive,andhehadstaredather,dumbstruk,beforesayingyes,yes,thatwasitsogdthatithadbeenputintowordsthatmadesomesortofsense.)